That’s right I jumped right on this bandwagon. How could I not? I know everyone is using this as a title to something, but it’s so catchy! And I love a good rhyme. But, really we are thriving this year. I’m speaking it into existence. We are a quarter of a century into this millennium, let’s make it count. And how can you make that happen? You gotta go through some stuff. Some sucky stuff. Some shitty stuff. But on the other side is amazing stuff! Stuff that you would have never imagined for yourself. Stuff you never would have imagined for your family. This stuff is amazing, incredible and will make your life better. But first, it’s going to get worse before it gets better.
Probably not the way you thought it was going to start right? Kinda a dull and negative way to start a “How to Thrive” post. But thriving means to flourish and prosper. I bet you didn’t know this (I didn’t!), it also means when something is growing well. Not just growing, but growing well. See, all of the choices you make everyday grow you into the person you want to be or don’t want to be. Walk with me, so let’s say my value is generosity. I want to be more generous. So, it would make sense to make choices that align with being generous, yes? (Look at me, trying to act British) Therefore, if I pass a Salvation Army volunteer, ringing their bell, and walk right by without giving anything despite the cash I have in my pocket, that’s a choice I made, that’s taking me into the direction of the person I don’t want to be. BUT, if I stop and take the time, or better yet not allow my overthinkingness to make me feel guilty for donating $2, and put that $2 into their bucket I get a big smile and “thank you” from them and that makes me smile. Plus, it also makes me happy and proud that I stuck to my values and made a conscious choice to grow into the person I want to be. Didn’t see all that coming, huh? The impact of a choice goes beyond the actual result of the choice itself. It leads to different emotions we feel, that others feel, and impacts how we make decisions in the future. I know, super crazy. Please don’t feel overwhelmed, that’s not the point. The point is to just show that even though that may have seemed like a small choice, it still has an impact on myself and others. Just a small impact. But done regularly, leads to a huge impact even if it’s just in me.
So, how do we thrive? Where do we start?
We start with ourselves.
Yep, I went there. We’re our own problem and we’re also our own solution. Sorry not sorry for repeating something every self help guru is chanting. But it’s so good to hear and it’s so true! Start by asking yourself some hard questions, and pay attention to the initial thought and feeling you have right after you read it.
What are you currently doing that you know you shouldn’t?
Who are you talking to and staying in a toxic relationship with that you know you shouldn’t?
What are you eating that you know you shouldn’t?
What do you believe about yourself that does nothing but hurt you?
What are you going to do about it?
Now, let’s dissect these together. I know they are questions that force you to be brutally honest with yourself. And it can make you immediately feel bad about yourself. Before you go down that hell hole, everyone has answers to these questions. How do I know that? Because no one is perfect. And no one is doing everything exactly as perfect as they would like. Think about all of the high achievers and those people that are so monstrously successful, but have a terrible home life, no social life, are alcoholics, feel lonely, the list goes on. Even the seemingly most put together people, are fucked up. We all have areas that we wish we could be doing better in. I do. All of the time. It’s so hard to let that feeling of guilt or shame go for doing something we know we shouldn’t. It takes real courage to look at yourself and just admit to yourself, out loud or in writing, what you’re currently doing that is not good for you. It really sucks ass! But, on the other side is freedom.
A great interjection question to also ask each question is “why”. I’m going to use myself as an example. What am I currently doing that I know I shouldn’t? Bottling up my emotions (that’s just one of a million). Now, why? Why do I bottle up my emotions? Well, that will take more than a sentence to answer. It actually took years (and counting) to answer. But, after years of finally realizing I do it and time spent reflecting, journaling, and reading books, I bottle up my emotions so I don’t have to deal with them and so others don’t have to deal with them. I bottle up my emotions to not inconvenience anyone else. I felt if I let my emotions show I would be cruelly judged and no one would want to be around me. I thought I would drive others away. That was an honest answer and also an example of how to answer the question. Keep writing until everything you feel you need to say is on that paper. And yes, write these out. It won’t give your mind a chance to get distracted or for your emotions to take over. Ask yourself “why” after you answer each question. If this is your first time doing it, many skeletons may come out of the closet.
After the hard questions, let’s answer the final one, “What are you going to do about it?” When I hear this question I always picture some bully in a movie talking back to the hero of the nerd. Someone that’s mean, that gets in your face, trying to make you feel small, demanding an answer. It immediately makes me feel anger and feel the motivational, adrenal energy I need to actually make a choice and follow through. Plus, this should make you angry (in a good way). How long have you been living this life, this life you may not want to live, this life that has beaten you up, this life that you feel has made you cope in any way to alleviate the pain. What are you going to do about it?! Are you going to sit and cy, complain, and just take it? Or are you going to put your ass in gear, make a damn plan, and get it work?
I honestly hope you were scream reading that, even though it’s not in caps. Just trying to get you fired up! YOU are in control here, no matter what your emotions are trying to tell you as soon as you read that. Emotions are lairs, you can’t trust all of them. Trust your gut.
The answers to these questions will lead to answers. It will lead to freedom and peace of mind that you’re not crazy, there’s a reason you do the things you do. Forgive yourself. Everyone is fucked up somewhere. It’s ok. Do the work now, so you’ll get to the best version of you faster. You’ll get to where you want to be faster.
I made up this quote years ago, I’m not sure if I actually read or heard it somewhere and I’m mistakenly taking credit for it, but it’s “you have to get through the storm to get the rainbow”. Whether I created that or not, it’s so true! After a bad storm, we see a rainbow. Scientifically, I’m not sure how it works, but it serves as a great metaphor! The rainbow will come. But, only if you go through the storm. Don’t sit in the storm, go through it. You’ll only get the amazing benefits if you actually do the hard work. Think about it like if you want abs. Those just don’t appear! You need to go through hellish workouts (regularly!) to get them. And not only that, but you have to keep doing the hellish workouts that make you feel the burn, to keep them. But having abs is great! They make you feel so strong and is a visual reminder that you do hard things, that you achieved what you set out to do. It’s like a muscular trophy on your body of the hard work you put in. These questions are similar, but the change happens on the inside. With your mental and emotional health. You are worth the fight for your future life.
Stay strong, you've got this!
Ashton
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